Don't Stare At Me

On my way to Oklahoma today, I stopped at a McDonalds quick for lunch.  As I was sitting and eating my meal, I looked up and noticed a little girl staring at me.  Her gaze didn't dart away when our eyes met.  She just kept looking at me.

I began to wonder what happens to us as we grow up that makes it so uncomfortable when someone stares at us.  To kids, if something is interesting, they look at it...and keep looking.  "Social graces" have not yet been instilled.

Do we become ashamed of who we are the older we get?  Are we more aware of the things that make us different?  What is the reason we reject a glance and inwardly say, "Don't look at me"?

For me, I am afraid that when someone stares at me, they can see inside of me and all the things that I don't want anyone to know.  Maybe on a deeper level, I want someone to know these things, but I am afraid of being rejected because of them.

Are we afraid of some of the things that make us different?  Sometimes, I'm ashamed of my glasses.  Soemtimes when I am having a difficult day physically, I have a slight limp.  All I want to do is hide these things.  I want people to see me as beautiful and put together, but when someone stares at me, I fall apart.

We've all read the love chapter in 1 Corinthians 13, and most of us could probably quote it word for word, especially in the NIV translation.  Verse 12 kind of gives me trouble though.  It's talking about now and then.  Now we only see a reflection of God, but someday we will see Him face to face.  Now we know Him only a little compared to how much we will know Him, and then Paul throws in the statement, "even as I am fully known."  That is a present tense statement.  God sees and knows us fully NOW.

The most amazing thing to me is that He sees every part of me, the secrets I keep and the insecurities I try to hide, and He loves me, accepts me, and wants me anyway.  I am beautiful to Him, even with my glasses.  Sometimes I imagine what it would be like to be sitting across the table from Jesus, not saying a word, but just looking into His eyes.  I think I would be ashamed of Him to see me.  I would probably start crying, because love like that just doesn't come around very often.

Do I put too many walls around my heart?  I feel that not many people really know me.  I'm afraid of someone getting too close.  Trust does not come easy for me.

I realized today that my goal with Jesus is to get to the point that this little girl was at.  When our eyes met, she didn't resist the stare like I did.  I want to not be afraid or ashamed of Jesus looking in my eyes.  I want to be able to let my guard down and enjoy being fully known and fully loved.  I don't want to say to Him, "Don't stare at me," but rather, "Come on in to my heart, Lord Jesus."