Very Brief Snapshot of Our Peru Tour 1

Some Other Merry Christmas Pictures

Christmas 2012 With Our Host Family

You Can Have Me

I am sitting right now in the presence of Christ, overcome by His love, greatness, and calling. Underneath a glorious sky of stars and clouds, I listen to His heart. I hear Him say, "See, I am making you new, but not for your glory. It is all for My Kingdom."

I remember my past and the things that I have struggled with. I remember all the things that I still carry with me today. I hear Him say, "It no longer matters. How you feel, how you hurt. All that has happened has no significance outside all that I will use it for in the Kingdom."

If I am looking for pity, I will receive none. Therefore I had better stop asking for it. I must give up my divided heart for one passion and one purpose: the Kingdom of God.

The life I live is not my story; it is God's. There is not a fragment of my life that is mine to own. Therefore I live as a steward of God's precious story and redemption. Everything that happens in my life is not mine to own; it is God's to redeem. I am entitled to nothing, but I am an heir to everything. To live my life with eternity always on my mind is not an option. It should be the only priority of every moment of my life.

I ask Him, "When did the love and passion for you grow cold? When did it not inspire me to seek to be fully consumed by You?"

"It doesn't matter," He responds. "What matters is that from now on I have your heart. Are you ready?"

"By your grace, Lord, I will be in each moment. You can have me."

The Heavenly Man

Today I read a book called The Heavenly Man that is about the life of a persecuted pastor from China. I am not a reader, but last night God placed the strong conviction on my heart to read this book and to read it all today. I obeyed and have been challenged in so many ways.

In the preface of the book, Oswald Chambers is quoted as saying, "If you give God the right to yourself, he will make a holy experiment out of you. God's experiments always succeed." For some time now I have felt the voice of God calling relentlessly to my heart to be fully and completely committed to this time of training and growth in my life, as His calling very soon will require unrelenting faithfulness. He has shown me that there are depths to our relationship that He longs to reach with me. I have been dragging my feet. I liked the mediocre Christian life. We so often reward ourselves in our minds for the decisions we have made in obedience that unknowingly we stay there, stuck in our pride, patting ourselves on the back.

Maybe it is fear that had kept me there. We seem to always think we have given everything for the sake of Christ, especially as missionaries. Then I read a book like The Heavenly Man and my world is shaken. As much as I think that I have suffered in my life, I cannot fathom being beaten and tortured in prison for years for the cause of Christ. Not only was this man and several other pastors given this cruel treatment, but they rejoiced at being counted worthy of suffering for the cause of Christ. Sounds familiar, doesn't it? Is my faith that strong? This is cause for some serious time in prayer.

Reading about how so many faithful Christians wept for desire to only see a Bible made me rethink how I have taken this treasure of owning several for granted. In fact, I felt such shame. How many days do I wake up and reluctantly pick up this amazing book and painstakingly read a chapter and ask myself, "What in the world could God be trying to say to me today?" How many days have I complained because I cannot "feel the presence of God" or that I did not "feel like reading His Word or going to church." Could I imagine wanting to be with my brothers and sisters in faith so badly that I might face a possible death sentence for going? I wanted to take myself aside and shake some sense into my cold heart. What really matters in this life? Tell me, what really matters in this life?

By the age of 16, the author had already led over 2,000 people to Christ. Say WHAT? I am...almost 25 and how many people have I personally led to Christ? It's embarrassing, really. I call myself a Christian. I call myself faithful. However, what is this stinking lukewarm faith that I claim to have if it doesn't cause the lives around me to change every day? This pastor, in every prison and town he went to, affected change for the entire group of people because of His passion and desire to see lives transformed, even when those who beat him ruthlessly commanded him not to speak of these things. And who am I, standing in a corner going back and forth whether or not I should say something in a meeting that might be slightly controversial? And this within a group of Christians. Could I stand before my accuser and say, "I am a heavenly woman. I speak on the authority of Jesus Christ!"?

This author, at the age of 16 prayed for a very long time and with many tears for a Bible. When one was miraculously given him, he diligently studied and memorized entire books in just a few days. This is a habit that he would continue throughout his life when he had access to a Bible. He says in his book, "You can never really know the Scriptures until you're willing to be changed by them." At the age of 16 he had a reputation throughout the countryside and was sought out by those in surrounding villages to preach to and teach them. All of this was because of his dedication to prayer and to the Scriptures. What is my reputation? Some might call me nice. Others might call me sweet. However, am I called upon by those hungry for God's truth to teach them? Am I bold and courageous enough to answer that call should it come to me in an instant? This is the calling of EVERY BELIEVER. Are you ready?

These are just a few of my many many thoughts after reading The Heavenly Man. All this to say, it is a must read for EVERY BELIEVER. Buy it today and ask yourself this question: How deeply am I committed to the Kingdom of God? It is the most important question you will ever ask yourself.

The Mystery

Yesterday we watched a man create a masterpiece in the park with cans of spray paint.  In a matter of less than a half an hour, he took a simple slap of a white board and used every day materials such as knives, rags, and fire to create a detailed and brilliant picture.  It was fascinating because at the beginning my friend and I had different opinions about what the picture was going to turn out to be.  Every step of the way was exciting because the artist would add a new feature and our imaginations would go wild trying to predict what he was going to create.
 

 

 

At one point he started blobbing all kinds of dark and ugly paint almost carelessly over the picture.  It made the person watching want to yell, “Stop!  You’re ruining it!”  However, what held the onlooker back was the obvious fact that the artist knew exactly what he was doing.  So we continued to watch in anticipation at what he would do next.
 

 

 

I was impressed at the control of his hand, that he could make strokes so perfectly with such ease and grace.  With his knife he created depth perception and one could see from which direction the sun was shining.
 

 

 

There were several points where the artist used quick and smooth strokes of fire on the paint.  He explained that this helped the paint dry more quickly.
 

 

 

We realized as we watched this artist paint his picture, it was like we were watching the Artist paint His masterpiece in the lives of everyone around us.  I was marveling on the bus yesterday about how my love for people has grown deeper with each new person that I meet.  My appreciation for the touch of the Master has turned richer every day that I invest myself in mission to His creation.  The closer I draw to the people He loves, the more I know His love; the more I can see His unique fingerprint on each life; the more I understand His passion that each one might know Him.

 

 

It is exciting to watch the mystery unfold in each person, because each one is a masterpiece of the Artist.  One can never fully predict how the picture will turn out by simply watching the beginning glob of paint.  It is exciting to watch each step of the way, as the brilliant artist creates a unique and equally fantastic picture every time someone fully surrenders themselves to the will of the Father.  There are moments when the Artist spreads dark colors over what was once simple and beautiful and the onlooker wants to question the reason He is “ruining” it.  However, one who truly knows the Father, knows that He can make anything beautiful with just a few expert strokes of His hand.

 

 

It is exciting to be in mission with God.  It is exciting to watch His Kingdom come.  Wherever I go and everywhere I have been, I have seen the touch of the Artist’s hand.  Every new person I meet is His creation, and every new person I meet helps me know and understand Him better and love Him more.  What joy there is in being a part of all that He is doing in the world.  I can’t wait to see the finished product in me and in the lives of those around me.

Covered In Love

Christmastime is an interesting time of year.  Everyone has their own idea of what the season is supposed to be like and feel like.  Going into missionary work this year again, I knew that this Christmas would look different than normal.  I wasn’t able to make it to my parent’s house last year for Christmas either, not knowing that this year I would be living on another continent and unable to visit for a year and a half.  It didn’t really feel like Christmas at all here.  It was pretty warm, and I am used to snow on Christmas.  There were not a ton of decorations except for the Christmas trees in the plazas and the common singing stockings and lights that are EVERYWHERE.  I am not sure why I am annoyed by singing lights so much, but I am.  Our host family built a big nativity scene in the living room.  We had a Christmas party with one of the missionary families here, and it was so wonderful.  However, overall, everything just seemed really weird.  I went into the season without any expectations and I was still surprised...not sure by what, but it didn’t feel like home for the first time since I’ve been here.

Most of the families here in Peru celebrate Christmas on Christmas Eve and stay up until 2, 3, 4 in the morning dancing and watching the fireworks.  CJ and I bailed about 1:45am and went to bed since we were flying out of Arequipa in the morning of Christmas Day.  We decided to spend some time meeting the families of our Peruvian friends in the northern part of Peru, and Lord willing, we will be going to Machu Picchu for New Year’s, a dream of CJ and I’s for a long time.  It has been a fantastic trip so far, but there have been moments for the both of us that have been difficult with a few tears.

I have been enjoying the time that I have had during the flight and bus rides to think through some things that often are placed on the back burner during our busy lives.  It has been great to just bask in God’s presence, but I have struggled somewhat in this area in the past couple weeks.  For some reason, I felt so far away from Him.  During this trip, however, I have had a couple pretty impactful moments with God.

Yesterday during the bus ride, a song by Dave Barnes came on my iPod.  The song talked about home being with the person the man loved, rather than a place where he is living.  God really connected the dots between some things that He has been revealing to me about my future and also the strange feelings I had toward this Christmas.  The chorus of the song says:  “I will never be a stranger; I will never be alone because deep inside of me I know that wherever you are is home.”  This is a truth that I have been discovering more every day during my time here in Peru.  No matter what it is that I am missing, I have to remember that where I am, I am home because I am in the center of God’s will and He is with me every step of the way.  It’s more than simply saying, “This world is not our home.”  God has provided a home for us in our relationship with Him.

I would have to say that the most life-changing moment I have had so far happened today and it was very unexpected.  Last night I was struggling with loneliness, and I woke up this morning feeling the same way I was feeling the night before.  I pulled out my prayer journal and just started pouring out my heart to God, expressing in raw honesty the pain that I was feeling inside my heart.  I told Him how I struggled to believe that He could meet certain needs and desires that I had.  I didn’t really hear much from Him at that time because we just had a few moments together before we left for the beach.  However, on the bus ride to the beach, a song came on my IPod, also by Dave Barnes, and also a love song.  This song has been on repeat on my iPod, and I couldn’t exactly figure out why I loved it so much.  However, in this half an hour, God sang this song to me over and over and He just poured His love into my heart.  He told me how much He delights in me and how He desires to be with me every moment, just like a lover delights in and longs to be with His beloved.  He told me of how much time He has waited to be together.  One moment He said to my heart, “You don’t have to look any longer for someone who understands you.  You don’t have to explain yourself to me.  Let me show you who you are.”  That phrase blew my mind.  Then came an unexpected scene that played in my mind; a vision sent from my Love.  I was standing in the ocean and waves were crashing all around me and on top of me.  I was literally covered in His love all around me.  Such joy and peace flooded my heart at the showing of this vision.

As we arrived into the bus station, God asked me, “Would it be ok if I just showed you how much I love you?  If you only knew how very much I love you and delight in you, you would never feel alone again.”

I had no idea how absolutely perfect this vision would be in comparison to what actually happened today.  After seeking out different beaches, we finally settled on a quaint strip with several homes right on the edge.  The water was warm (for me at least) and soft.  Within five minutes of making my way into the ocean, the waves started crashing all around me and over me and I felt the love of God like I never had.  The vision God gave me had become a reality, and the moment was even more amazing than I thought it could be.  I didn’t want to ever leave.  The ocean foamed as the waves crashed, and I just floated and splashed in the bubbles.  I was like a small child playing with her Daddy.  Even now, just thinking about this moment, tears come to my eyes.  I yelled out loud for my Daddy to hear, “God, you are so amazing!”

The embrace I so longed to have from someone who loved me happened as God’s waves covered me in love.  The ways that I thought that God could not fulfill my heart, well, He proved me wrong.  I don’t think water hugs that tight, but my Father’s arms were in the waves today.  The words that I heard Him say to my heart were some of the most beautiful I had ever heard.  I wouldn’t have written them for myself today.  They were too profound and loving for what I thought of myself.  However, I know my Daddy loves me.  He is always showing me in different ways, and today He gave me an all-consuming hug.

I am looking forward to other amazing moments with Him in the days to come.  Our trip is only beginning.  What an amazing God He is!  I just want to tell the world!  And I will, every chance I get!