“Work hard so you can
present yourself to God and receive His approval. Be a good worker, one who does not need to be
ashamed and who correctly explains the word of truth.”
For our missionary training, we have a period of time called
40 Days in the Desert and I have been in the desert for about 30 days now. This time has been rich and difficult. It has been trying, but also it has truly
been a growth experience for all of us.
When I first began the time, I had two extremes in mind: this is either going to be much easier than
they are making it sound or very difficult.
I think it has turned out to be somewhere in the middle, and I have
learned lessons that I was not anticipating.
It has been rich living in community and it has also been
very frustrating at the same time. You
learn more about people than you want to know.
You learn what each other’s limits are, and you learn to defend each
other through those times. I think my
love for my teammates has grown exponentially through the tears and laughter,
and this is only just the beginning of two more years of struggle and joy. I am learning how to serve, and that service
is not really service until it hurts. So
when it starts to hurt is when I have learned to start rejoicing, and I
continue to push through.
It is humbling to realize that in order to be part of the
Kingdom of God, I must surrender all my rights, even the ones I like and want
to keep. Submission is a difficult
lesson to learn as North Americans, as we have fought and struggled to develop
independence for so many years. Then we
move to South America, and we are once again children. However, the Bible says that everyone is
under authority. If we cannot submit to
the authority of our earthly leaders, how will we be able to submit to the
authority of God? Paul talks a lot in
Romans about obeying our leaders, for they have been placed there by God. As long as what they are telling me follows
God’s principles, I am learning to submit.
My time is no longer my own. My
plans are no longer my own. My tasks are
no longer my own. So every day I am
learning to humble myself and give it my all.
Probably the biggest lesson of all that I am learning
throughout the whole of 40 Days is the idea of being a workman approved by
God. It has been a great time of
reflection as we are learning about leadership.
We have been evaluating our past (failures and successes), personality
(the good, the bad, and the ugly), our skills, and God’s will for each of our
lives as well as our group as a whole. God
has been showing me so much about His plans for me for the future, which are
all good and great, but they have been given to me with a caution: my success depends on me as well. There is something interesting that I had believed
for a long time: that if God has called
me to it, He will complete it in me.
However, I forgot to evaluate my part in it as well.
What God asks of us is more than simple obedience in
decisions. He also asks us to give
everything we have: our heart, mind,
soul, and strength. In the church we
focus on the first and third, the heart and soul. However, I had not taken seriously my
responsibility to develop my mind and my strength. I was not an avid reader nor was I pushing
myself to grow in this area. I also was
very undisciplined in my goal meeting. I
have always been great at setting goals, but when it came to following through
and completing them to the best of my ability, I would settle for finishing
them and sometimes I wouldn’t finish them at all because I had come up with new
and better goals. God has been working on me to push through and give each task
my all. He has taught me that it is
going to hurt. That is a sign of being
stretched. So I get up in the morning,
give the day to God, and work until I fall into bed completely exhausted at night. Every moment of every day is God’s, and I see
now more than ever the ways that I have wasted valuable time in the past.
I have also learned to protect the health of my heart, soul,
mind, and strength. There is one extreme
that says: work and work and work...and
die. Then there is the other extreme
that never does any work because the person is resting constantly. He or she only works when it is comfortable
to do so. Every person needs a close
friend that they can confide their heart in.
Every person needs a worship time where they are not in charge and they
can simply regenerate. I have finally
discovered what it means to worship personally and not just corporately. I have learned to keep my mind active with a
variety of different things. I am also
learning that sleep is in fact necessary and my motto of, “I will sleep when I
die” meant that I would in fact have a premature death. In order to give my work my all, I must also
give my body proper rest. I also need to
give my body proper exercise. With our
shower schedule being all out of wack, it has been hard to give exercise the
time we should, but it has given me a greater appreciation and desire to take
care of my body. And, I am learning,
that fasting is actually good for the health when done correctly.
What it means to be a workman approved by God is that I give
my all to both work and rest, and that I learn in even greater measure what it
means to draw close to God. I didn’t
realize this until God brought it to my attention, but I filter what God can do
in and through me by precedent. If God
hasn’t talked to anyone a certain way in the past, then why could He talk to me
in that way? If God hasn’t done what He
wants to do through me through someone in the past, then how can He do it
through me? I had been praying for years
to have the type of relationship with Him like Abraham, Moses, or Elijah. The other night as I was walking in the
garden praying that same prayer, I heard Him say clearly to my heart, “But you
are not Abraham, Moses, or Elijah. You
are Chelsea, and I want to speak to you like I speak to Chelsea. Stop comparing yourself to other people, even
in your desires. Desire the unique
relationship that I want to have with you.”
WOW. As our team often reminds
each other, “HUMILITY!”
He has also focused on the plans and dreams that He has for
my life, both in these next two years and beyond. In the times when I say to Him, “But, God in
the past I have failed at....”, He reminds me, “I am the God of the past, the
PRESENT, and the FUTURE. I not only
redeem what was once broken, but I also am CREATOR, and I am constantly
creating. You are a new creation. The old is gone, and the new has come. Would you dare to believe that I can do anything
I want in and through your life? Would
you dare to leave who you used to be behind for the new you that I am creating
you to be?”
How deep and rich is God?
Sometimes to even write a blog about all the things He is telling me is
super overwhelming. There is no way that
I can make it sound good. It is rushed
and incomplete. I have only touched on
maybe 1% of all that I am learning right now.
What does it mean to probe the depths of God? How does that change who we are? I am so thankful that time in His presence
changes us. I am thankful for the work
of the Holy Spirit that does what we cannot.
I could write all the time and not cover it all. So I will let my life tell the story. I hope that the work that He is doing in me
sings beautifully of what His grace can do.
As much as I think He has already done, it is only a drop in the bucket
of what He wants to do. So I will live
this day giving my all, and I will do the same tomorrow. He is writing His story in my life, and only
because of Him is it a story worth reading.
I was so excited when I looked this morning and saw you had a new blog. I so appreciate you sharing your journey so transparently. Your writing challenges and inspires me, and I know many others. Thank you!
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