For many years I struggled immensely with depression and
self-esteem issues. It was a darkness
that I couldn’t shake and something I couldn’t seem to rise above. No matter how hard I tried, it seemed that I
plunged even deeper into the hole I found myself in. I hated myself for hating myself. I hated who I was becoming and the person I
believed people saw when they looked at me.
Most people would say, “Hate is a strong word.” Yes, it is, but it fully describes how I
felt.
It wasn’t until the past couple years that God started to
bring me to a place where I could begin to see His truth. One at a time, I discarded a lie here and
there that I had believed for so long.
Each lie debunked was a victory.
Each truth believed was a step toward peace. Although the road has not been easy, it has
been a wonderful time of growth and sunshine.
I have come to find that God leads us through seasons, and
many of those seasons are meant to prepare us for His will. This journey out of depression for me was one
of those preparation seasons, but now He is leading me into an entirely
different season of service and faith.
In many ways for these past couple years, God has shielded me from the
majority of the attacks from the Enemy as He healed some very wounded areas of
my heart. I believe a time has come in
my journey now where He has lifted His shield of protection and said to me, “You
are ready. Go!”
Every day there is a new lesson to learn and a new struggle
to overcome. I have found that I often
have flashbacks to the person that I used to be. These are no accident; they are intentional
bullets from the Enemy of my soul, intent on destroying what God has made
whole. Satan knows that a child of God
who has learned to see himself/herself as God sees him/her is a very dangerous
thing to his plans. He will do anything
to take away truth and replace it with a subtle lie, and often the lie is
easier to believe than the truth.
In my life personally, Satan wins battles easiest when he
brings an onslaught of fear and inadequacy.
He reminds me often of the times that I have failed in the past. He whispers in my ear, “Who are you to think
that you can do that? Look at all these
character flaws that you have. See how
irresponsible you have been.” Often he defeats
me with the game of comparison, “These people you are serving with are much
more equipped than you. They are much
more charismatic than you. They are
effective in their ministry, and what do you have to show for it? You obviously aren’t meant to be doing this.”
These voices for many years did not have a source. I believed they were true because I could see
the evidence in my life. It wasn’t just
an accusation to me that I was a failure; I really had failed! I was irresponsible. I was serving with people who had more
charisma than me. Who was I to even be
there? Who was I to dream or believe
that I could be anything? How could I
possibly be an asset to the Kingdom when I had so many problems myself?
The absolute most life-changing thing that has happened to
me is break-through of the light of God in my life. Psalm 18:28 says, “You, O
Lord, keep my lamp burning; my God turns my darkness into light.” God’s light shined on the lies and showed them
for what they were: lies. I learned truth that revolutionized the way I
saw the world and myself. God loves
me! God believes in me! God has saved me! God is creating a new thing in me! In Him, I can do all things!
We say these things in church all the time, and we sing
songs as little children of this truth.
However, somehow when we get older, the belief that we are not enough
crowds out the truth that in Christ we are made whole. It is easier to believe that I can never do
anything than to step out in faith and believe that I am chosen and
called. When I believe that I can never
do anything, I never have to do anything.
All I do is live in a pity party of “Woe is me”. Yeah, that doesn’t make us very pleasant
people to be around, but it is comfortable and it feels safe. I lived there for YEARS. However, the grace of God and the truth of
God call us to something greater, something more challenging; something that is
ultimately fulfilling.
Satan loves the darkness and hates the light. In fact, he runs from the light. In dealing with spiritual warfare throughout
my life, I have learned that whenever the accuser comes, I must run toward the
light. I run to God’s Word. I claim His truth. Light is stronger than darkness. When there is a battle, light always
wins. The darkness is a dreadful place,
but it is no match for the light of God.
From Him the darkness flees.
As a Christian, we must always be seeking the light. When we are seeking to be filled with the
light of God, there can be no darkness in us.
We debate theologically over so many things and use big words to prove
our point, but truth is simple. When we
make the light that is in Christ our only treasure, sin has no place. Darkness cannot stand the light. John 3:19-21 says, “This is the verdict: Light has come into the world, but men loved
darkness instead of light because their deeds were evil. Everyone who does evil hates the light, and
will not come into the light for fear that their deeds will be exposed. But whoever lives by the truth comes into the
light, so that it may be seen plainly that what he has done has been done
through God.”
When we are truly serving God and seeking His will for our
lives and for the world, we can be sure that we have the attention of the
Enemy. As Christians, we should not be
surprised when we face difficulties along the path where God is leading. Satan knows our weak spots and he knows our
history. We can have no doubt that he
will be doing everything in his power to disrupt the work that God desires to
do in us and through us. We must always
be aware of his schemes and armed with the truth of God. God’s truth is light and that light is the
only thing that is stronger than darkness.
Know the Word of God.
Spend daily intentional time soaking in God’s truth. There is no point on the Christian journey at
age 8 or age 80 when we have already gained all that we need from
Scripture. In fact, with every new step
on this journey with God it becomes increasingly imperative that we are filled
with His Spirit and covered in His truth.
You will find many points in the battle with darkness when you discover
that you are not enough, and you will be right.
You alone are incapable of defeating the darkness no matter how mature
you may have become or how much faith that you believe you have. It is the light of Christ in you that has won
the victory. Do everything you can to
pursue and be filled with the light of God.
Know the Word of God and His truth.
Pour yourself into building your relationship with God. Make prayer the key of the morning and the
lock of the evening. Make it your
constant throughout the day. When you
live your life in the presence of Christ, His truth becomes the dominant voice
of your life. Satan’s whispers that say,
“You’re a failure, you’re inadequate, you’re out of place” are drowned out by
God’s explanations, “I love you! You are
chosen! In me, you are enough!” In Christ, it is not the past that defines us
nor is it our fear that determines our future.
Through Him we discover that His desire for us and His power to
transform us are everything we need to do all that He has dreamed for us since
the beginning of time. What love is this
that He would believe in who we are before we came to be! What passion He has for His children that He
would continue to pursue us with His grace though we deny Him a thousand times! The amazing love of God shows us that there
is no place that is too far or beyond the reach of His arms and there is no pit
so deep that He cannot scoop us out and make us new. Stop making excuses that you have fallen so
far there could be no hope. Embrace His truth
that in Him you are enough. Welcome the
light into your life and watch the darkness turn and run!
For those of us who struggle at times with feelings of
inadequacy, here are some truths to claim:
“Once you were alienated from God and were enemies in your
minds because of your evil behavior. But
now he has reconciled you by Christ’s physical body through death to present
you holy in his sight, without blemish
and free from accusation—if you continue in your faith, established and firm, not moved from
the hope held out in the gospel.” –Colossians 1:21-23a
“And we pray this in order that you may life a life worthy
of the Lord and may please him in every way:
bearing fruit in every good work, growing in the knowledge of God, being
strengthened with all power according to his glorious might so that you may
have great endurance and patience, and joyfully giving thanks to the Father, who has qualified you to share in the
inheritance of the saints in the kingdom of light.” -Colossians 1:10-12
“But now in Christ Jesus you who once were far away have been brought near through the
blood of Christ.” –Ephesians 1:13
“But when God, who
set me apart from birth and called me by his grace, was pleased to reveal His Son in me...” –Galatians
1:15-16a
“I no longer call you servants, because a servant does not
know his master’s business. Instead, I
have called you friends, for everything that I learned from my Father I have
made known to you. You did not choose me, but I chose you and appointed you to go and bear
fruit—fruit that will last.” -John
15:15-16
“But we ought always to thank God for you, brothers loved by
the Lord, because from the beginning God
chose you to be saved through the sanctifying work of the Spirit and through
belief in the truth.” -2 Thessalonians 2:13
“But you are a chosen people, a royal priesthood, a holy
nation, a people belonging to God, that you may declare the praises of him who called you out of darkness into his
wonderful light. Once you were not a
people, but now you are the people of
God; once you had not received mercy, but now you have received mercy.” -1 Peter 2:9-10
Read this one as many times as you need to:
“As for you, you were dead in your transgressions and sins,
in which you used to live when you followed the ways of this world and of the
ruler of the kingdom of the air, the spirit who is now at work in those who are
disobedient. All of us also lived among
them at one time, gratifying the cravings of our sinful nature and following
its desires and thoughts. Like the rest,
we were by nature objects of wrath. But because of his great love for us, God,
who is rich in mercy, made us alive with Christ even when we were dead in our
transgressions—it is by grace you have been saved. And God raised us up with Christ and seated
us with him in the heavenly realms with Christ Jesus, in order that in the
coming ages he might show the incomparable riches of his grace, expressed in
his kindness to us in Christ Jesus. For
it is by grace you have been saved, through faith—and this not from yourselves,
it is the gift of God—not by works, so that no one can boast. For we
are God’s workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God
prepared in advance for us to do.”
-Ephesians 2:1-10
There is not a person on this planet who is not desired, pursued,
and chosen by God for a purpose that He set forth before time began. Every one of us is called by His amazing love
and equipped through His amazing grace to know Him and serve Him. Many of us know this in our heads, but when
the Enemy comes, he attacks the core of our understanding of who we are in
Christ. Satan knows that if he can convince
us that we are not enough to serve God, He has us defeated. It is this false humility and simple lie that
creeps so silently into our hearts and holds us back from becoming in Christ
everything that He created us to be.
There are moments, like last night, when I was tempted to be
defeated. I took my eyes off Jesus and
started looking at the waves. I saw all
the difficulties around me and all the ways that I believed I was
inadequate. Once again I accepted the
lie that I was useless. I believed that
I was not enough. However, through God’s
truth, I recognized Satan’s attack for what it was. I ran back to the light, and the darkness
turned and ran away.
There is encouragement in taking time to look back and see
how far we have come. When we remember
who we once were, we can see clearly that who we have become could only have
come about through the amazing grace of God.
Left to our own strength, we are powerless to change ourselves or our
situation. Alone, we can only sink
deeper and deeper into darkness. It is
the light of Christ and His truth that shines into those dark places and frees
us from all that once held us in bondage.
It is this light and this truth that I cling to in every situation. It is God’s love that has called me
forth. He has given me everything I need
to serve Him. He is at work preparing me
and growing me into maturity in Him, so that when I stand before Him, I will
lack nothing. When the accuser comes, I
turn around and look him in the face. I
stand tall because by the power of Christ I am more than enough.
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